Learning More About Myself...Lessons on Dating Learned on the Ould Sod

It is interesting the things that you learn about yourself, most especially when you place yourself in new environments and situations. Being here in Northern Ireland has been such an opportunity, and I believe that the way I see the world has been changed forever. Despite this expected change, I was not expecting for most of it to be insight into myself, and definitely not within the murky realm of relationships and love.

Now, there is a certain confession I must make….I've always harbored a particular nostalgic and romanticized dream of living in Belfast. Did you all REALLY think it was just about gays and conflict and peace studies? For fifteen years I've silently kindled the fire of 'coming home,' vowing to someday live on the 'ould sod.' Why else would Irish crisps taste better than regular frito lay? Or Deloreans be the most kick ass car ever produced (Yes, the DMC Delorean remains the only car to be made in Northern Ireland…and mechanically/electrically flawed with a good number of them becoming flaming infernos…)? When I last left the island of Ireland, I broke down and cried while walking onto the plane, having felt a connection to the people and land which has eluded me back in Amerikay.

While you're wondering, that dream also included falling in love with a Northern Irish man, marrying, and eventually Immigrating.

Glimpses of this can be caught in portions of my journaling made throughout my life (or at least since 2002, when I first made my trip here). There is an idea that life was on hold and would finally "begin" for me. I suspect that much of this stems from not having had much luck in establishing a long term pairing, and also from what others might have inferred. Certainly the last eight years of constant moving has been influenced in some levels at dating frustration (the seven years of moving before that were influenced not so much by dating, but in problematic sexual identity formation from not being able to accept this part of my natural condition). Portland, Honolulu, Newport, Boston, Salt Lake…it's all been a factor. And in fact, each one of these cities has generally involved moving for the potential of certain individuals (Lee, John, Joe, Adam, J'Myle, etc).

Now that I've been here about two and a half months, the foolish notion that "my one and only" is here seems to have gradually sulked away to the deeper recesses of my consciousness. I feel I'm allowed to start looking at my quest for partners in a different light. Aspects of compatibility, attractions, self confidence, self esteem, comfortability with self and others are being reexamined. And odd patterns are making themselves known.

One such insight is the connection between my musical tastes and the experiences and expectations I seek (or have sought) in dating. My preferred music is as passionate and stirring as possible. For example, Shostakovich is one of my favorite composers. Listening to one of his symphonies brings to mind the Innui of siberia and the crying of Mother Russia for the pain of her citizens throughout the last millennium. Playwrights are the same, with O'Casey, Ibsen, Miller, Kushner, and Flaherty/Ahrens all appearing in my repertoire. It takes angst, complexity of themes, and expanse of the human condition to make me happy. Mozart be damned to the darkest circles of Dante's Inferno, especially his light and flutey airs characterized in Eine Kleine Nacht Musik. Unless it's his Dies Irae, I'll leave it to the more classically appreciative. Give me demons and hellfire! Make me relive my pain and guilt! The depths of human pathos are what I want, and I will pay you any amount of admission for such a show. Maybe that's why I love NPR. Country ballads. Victor Hugo. I'm not emo. I'm just someone who loves the highs and the lows.

You're probably wondering what this has to do with my dating, and the answer is EVERYTHING. My expectations seem to have also come to seek similar emotional rushes in dating. Probably it explains why I have a tendency to harp and go back to those I left behind. I don't think I do it out of a tendency to be cruel. I genuinely liked those guys. If I didn't, they would have never arisen again in my mind (yes, there are those I've dated who fall into that category) and I move on. Despite my pronounced distaste of drama in my relationships, there is this certain form of drama which I indeed play. Not for the sake of drama, but for the complex array of emotions it makes me feel. The more complicated, the bigger the attraction. Probably this is also why guys who I "can't read," or "I'm unsure how I feel," are intriguing pursuits.

At any rate, I believe I digress. Like my choices in music, literature and theatre, I have come to require emotional extremes in the guys I date. This seems to happen at the beginning, mostly facilitated by emotional aids such as settings, ambiance, conversation, alcohol, exoticy, time of day, events, etc. By seeking these early on, I set myself up for the failure of a mainstream, i.e normal, course of day to day life. Dating guys who "live more than 1,000 miles away" also aids in an accomplice faire in this game, preventing me from being wrapped up in the mundane, day to day aspects of their lives. Russell was really the first guy I dated whom I saw on a daily basis (Though to be fair, dating Russell was never a normal experience, the tragedy of his life providing more than enough roller coaster fuel).

What does this all mean? I'm not really sure yet. I am dating here and trying to date differently (not to try to find my Northern Irishman mind you, but just dating for companionship for the time being while I'm here). While I slip into old patterns, I am becoming much more cognizant of why I behave and what motivates me to act the way I do. I am especially aware of the integrity of my own study and set boundaries in place, refusing to date or sleep with any of the participants that I am interviewing (admittedly it is an interesting thing to be conducting research within one's own community, which oft times limits your personal enjoyment).

On sunday evening I found myself looking into the azure blue eyes of a gentleman very different from myself. This was our second date, and following a successful home cooked dinner of New Orleans Gumbo and King Cake (Two of my personal favorite recipes), we neglected to turn on netflix to instead talk for several hours. While looking into the eyes of this very interested gentleman, I felt an intense fear, scared to death that he would find the ordinary, everyday Joshua to be a boring old bore. Yet, remarkably, as I focused on this, I didn't push it away. Instead, I felt the familiar, paralyzing fear and began bending it into a different direction. Observe. Describe. Participate…I think that the time is well nigh that I faced some very deep seated fears.

Northern Ireland a transformative experience? Oh, just wait and see! And just for the record, yes, the Deloran is STILL the most kick ass car ever made. And one which I had the joy of driving for two very brief years. And you can take THAT to the bank!

The Loyal Orange Order Parades

On Saturday I witnessed my first Orange parade. While downtown I passed what at first i took to be one of the seemingly frequent 'flag protests' (expected even more so on the heels of this past week's On the Runs controversy). However, I noticed that uniformed PSNI officers were lining up the main thoroughfare of Royal Ave, indicative of something more. My inquiry of one of them turned out that a parade was expected in a bit, so I decided to hang about to experience it.

The Orange order, or Loyal Orange Order is one of three Protestant fraternal organizations (Black Preceptory and Apprentice Boys being the other two) which have become known in Northern Ireland for the many parades that are staged around the year. Over 300 of them will be conducted between April and August, what is known as "Marching Season" culminating with July 12th, the holiday commemoration of William of Orange's 1690 Victory at the Battle of the Boyne. For many protestants these parades are a visible show of their cultural pride and historical origins. The parades have been going on for hundreds of years, but since the troubles have become lightning rods of controversy. While many lodges have altered their routes, some of the more belligerent lodges have continued to insist on marching the traditional routes which (because of a combination of urbanization and population displacement in the 1970s) now go through heavily catholic neighborhoods or business districts.

The particular parade of today was from the Sandy Row lodge, in solidarity of their brother lodge in Woodvale who have been prevented (in frequent parades and protests) since the last July 12th of marching back 'home.' The original parade's Committee had ruled that while they would be allowed to march down the road, they would not be allowed to return by the same route. This led to a very heated marching season, erupting in violence. Today the lodge is still trying to finish the route, believing it is their right both civilly and culturally. Every few weeks another parade is held, which attempts to complete the march, but in turn, is stopped by police. The cost of shutting down the streets and police presence has been enormous, and several stories in the Telegraph have focused on the inability to maintain such costs in a time where resources are already hard to come by.

For a time, I waited, with nothing in sight. Then came the beat of the drums from far off, subtle, but portending a coming storm. As it gained in crescendo, police started moving into position. When the parade finally came into view down North Donegal Street, phalanxes of about five or six different lodges with several band contingents could be seen. Each lodge was dressed in their traditional orange sash (sans bowler), following behind their respective banner indicative of their home lodge. As the parade turned onto Royal Avenue, the din became deafening, the acoustics amplified by the narrow streets and high buildings. The atmosphere created was intimidating, and dare I even say, slightly terrifying? One little girl beside me backed away in terror, clinging to her father in tears. Here were row upon row of stern faced individuals, marching to military songs of old amidst the deafening beat of drums, defiance in their faces.

The Sash (My Father Wore)

So sure l'm an Ulster Orangeman, from Erin's isle I came,
To see my British brethren all of honour and of fame,
And to tell them of my forefathers who fought in days of yore,
That I might have the right to wear, the sash my father wore!

Chorus:
It is old but it is beautiful, and its colours they are fine
It was worn at Derry, Aughrim, Enniskillen and the Boyne.
My father wore it as a youth in bygone days of yore,
And on the Twelfth I love to wear the sash my father wore.

Chorus

For those brave men who crossed the Boyne have not fought or died in vain
Our Unity, Religion, Laws, and Freedom to maintain,
If the call should come we'll follow the drum, and cross that river once more
That tomorrow's Ulsterman may wear the sash my father wore!

Chorus

And when some day, across the sea to Antrim's shore you come,
We'll welcome you in royal style, to the sound of flute and drum
And Ulster's hills shall echo still, from Rathlin to Dromore
As we sing again the loyal strain of the sash my father wore!

Hiccups in a "process"

Yet another chapter in the process of peace in Northern Ireland. This week it came out like a bombshell in the newspapers that letters had been given to a significant number of paramilitaries wanted for accusations of murders and actions (many going back 20-30 years) by the British government. Many of these individuals have been on the run outside of the country. Much of this came to light in a particular court case of late that fell through on the technicality of one of these letters which essentially granted Queen's amnesty. The outrage has been significant, to the extent that yesterday the first minister, Peter Robinson threatened to resign if the Prime Minister didn't launch an inquiry. Such a resignation would have triggered an election, and while interesting as a political exercise, would have wrecked havoc with an already delicate political landscape. Today Prime Minister Cameron announced the inquiry, so presumably the First Minister is safe from carrying out his threat. Which threat is no real surprise...there is a paranoia on the part of a particular segment of the Northern Irish population who are always looking for signs of the British willing to 'sell them down the river.'

The issue of what to do with those who carried out killings in the name of political expediency (whether Loyalist, Nationalist or Security Force alike) has been an ongoing problem, and one which is common to any country destabilized by insurgency/revolution/independence movements. There are many versions of history here, narratives which depend on the community one comes from. Freedom fighters. Murderers. Victims. The term varies, and no one has yet been able to figure out the best way to come to grips with the legacy of the past. Unlike South Africa and several other situations, no truth commission has yet been successfully launched. There have been some smaller commissions focusing on individual instances (such as Bloody Sunday) which have had some resolution, but for the most part, nothing on a wider scale. A part of the Haas talks at the end of last year sought to broach the possibility of such a larger commission, but was met with large scale resistance and eventually had to be set aside.

There is much pain that exists to this day, and much fear. Yet, risks have had to be taken to move things along, such as the part of the 1998 peace accords that resulted in prisoner releases that effected both communities. These risks, in the name of peace, have for the most part been successful. Justice was sacrificed to lay to rest vengeance, with the recognition that in conflicts such as that went on during the Troubles, there are no innocents. All are victims by time and circumstance, and each story is as valid and tragic as the other. Yes, there may be outrage, and much political posturing is being made of this...but perhaps this is an important step needed to be taken to continue to move things down the path. Where that path may lead is anyone's guess.

Everyone, including myself at times, seems to forget that the peace process in Northern Ireland is just that: a process. A delicate process. A struggling process. A hopeless process. A hopeful process. Each citizen of Northern Ireland sees this process in a different light, with different adjectives reflecting their outlook on life and their experiences. Perhaps I'm just an optimist, and maybe that's my prerogative as an outsider...yet I firmly believe that Northern Ireland is on a track to success. Hiccups such as the ones over the past year and the one in the past few days are to be expected. Smooth sailing is not realistic, and history tells us to expect otherwise. Even the experiment of 1776 has had many problems and took decades (if not a century!) to define itself and its institutions. Rome, and certainly not Washington, was not born in a day...and neither will Northern Ireland!

The complications between theory and hands on Research

First week of full study interviews (meaning, not pilot nor control groups). It has begun, though with some modifications.

The original intention had been to have four pilot interviews, which logistics and scheduling forced down to two. Problems with two of the interviews were as follows: The first interview (P.P.1) had to cancel due to an emergency when we had only just gotten started and was never able to find a suitable time to reschedule, and intended fourth interview (P.P.4) was slow in responding to scheduling requests (second and third interviews occured without any problems). These four had been selected by consultation between myself and the sexual health officer at Rainbow Project who selected the individuals for pilot testing, based upon their experience of LGB&T issues in Northern Ireland, their assortment of age & professional demographics, and the perception that they would be qualified to give constructive feedback on the structure, format and data (both intended and collected) of the interviews. Timelines for this project have aways been limited, with a growing awareness of the mortality of timelines. It has been a constant concern and one of the aspects of the project I had misjudged in the planning stages. Getting established, gaining entry, and field observation took far longer than had been anticipated, despite the sense of having been relatively well prepared.

If one aspect of the project had to be chosen for best executed, it has always been the preparation phase. This portion of the project begun in January of 2013 and ended December of 2013 included extensive perusal of academic, news, and popular literature on Northern Ireland, as well as media. I’m most proud of this and it has been remarked on several occasions that my level of knowledge on the issues present in the culture and political landscape is astonishing.

That said, I could have gone even further by studying sport and games (such as gaelic, rugby, hurling, and football). However, this would have been of very little use in my current project beyond facilitating the gaining entry with more general Northern Irish society and putting me more at ease (like most of the world, sport here is highly valued and in many ways revered as a sort of secular religion. The “high altar of our blessed pitch,” if you will). Had I been interviewing other portions of Northern Irish society this would have been necessary. Thankfully, the stereotype holds true and gay men are less prone to demand sport adherence, though still much higher in the British LGB&T communities than in the US. A week and a half ago, while visiting Edinburgh, I visited a gay bar which was practically a sports bar. It gave me several minutes of confusion as I struggled to determine if I was in the right place, finally discovering I was by searching through the literature for distribution on the wall!

Much of the actual carrying out of the project and the associated problems I’ve found to be the normal aspects of first time research. My grasp of theory was fairly good thanks to my research methods course last semester, however, it is the most practical aspects in the actual carrying out which have been a problem, especially in the understanding of timelines and tracking down, scheduling, and interviewing participants, then processing their interviews. Rookie mistakes. BUT not mistakes that would bias, call into question, or otherwise diminish the academic soundness of the data itself.

While more pilot interviewing would have been preferable, the questions had been screened by several individuals and changes mades upon their recommendations. Some adjustments were also made following the 1st completed pilot interview (P.P.2), but these were made on the basis of flow, rather than function. The second interview completed (P.P.3) was conducted with a mental health counselor whose an expert in Northern Irish LGB&T concerns, that indicated his satisfaction with both the flow and the format of the prompts. I found that the data being obtained was satisfactory and objective, without signs of bias, and decided that further pilot testing would merely pose to delay the project further. It was decided to begin active testing to achieve timetables of interview completion by 31st of March (with the exception of control interviews which will be completed the second week in May).

Beyond the pilot testing cut short, the only other matter which has posed a concern is the time scheduled between participants. Originally an hour was thought to suffice, which was expanded to an Hour and a Half following P.P.3. This was decided to expand even further after the first regular participant, P.1, took 2 hours 20 minutes. The next scheduled interview had taken into account an hour and a half, and was forced to wait 45 minutes. Thankfully, the second participant (P.2) who was the civil partner of P.1 was understanding and agreed to reschedule. It was decided that no less than 3 hours would be necessary between scheduling interviews.

Difficult, difficult day

Today was an extremely difficult and challenging day emotionally. I am meeting some of the most amazing and resilient people I have ever had the opportunity to talk with, and hearing some of the most heartbreaking stories. There is fiction, and then there is reality. Humans are so fragile, yet so resilient. Learning much, but so much more left to learn...

I'm feeling exhausted, emotionally drained. Wondering if I can truly do these stories justice. I feel in awe, that they trust me that much to share such intimate and heartwrenching details of their lives.

Welcome to Belfast...

A Night in the Council...

Tonight I attended the Belfast City Council meeting, which was my first local politics meeting. Belfast politics are unique given the polarity of the parties and the power inherent in Northern Ireland's capital city.

Upon arrival I realized how very different such local politics operate here when I was asked what councillor was sponsoring my entrance. The city council is NOT open to the public, compared to the "town hall" model which is much beloved as an American institution. This was quickly remedied however by the kindness of Councillor Guy Spence who agreed to vouch for me. Spence is something of a wunderkind here in local politics, having been elected to the council at the tender age of 19, and surprisingly a member of the Democratic Unionist Party (though the true surprise probably would have been from him had I been forthcoming fully about the topic of my research project!). City councillors are allowed to sponsor two constituents to the gallery.

I gained admittance and was directed to the public gallery overlooking the south side of the chamber, where I got to speaking with a council employee who explained to me the layout of the chamber (nationalist/alliance parties on the north benches with unionist on the south). Public opinion is not solicited, with council meetings being a formality agreeing to what is passed in committee meetings. This makes sense considering the tight control with which British Politicians are bound to their party. When I asked if the public had the chance in committee meetings to then express their opinion, he seemed taken aback and remarked "that's what we elect representatives for!" He then elaborated that public constituency speak with their representatives directly if they wish to comment on a particular policy or matter of concern.

City Hall is an impressive architectural wonder from the turn of the 20th century that complements Belfast's former place as a shipbuilding/linen/ropemaking industrial center of the empire. Decorated in brightly painted plaster, murals, ornamentation, wrought iron, carved oak, marble, and stained glass, City Hall poses a picture of dissonance: what was built for the ascendancy of Lords and Ladies in robes and gowns, now occupied by a modern people representative of a power held firmly in the hands of the people. All under the prudish gaze of HRM Queen Victoria, peering out of her 15 foot high canvas. I can't but wonder what she would have thought?

Council opened with the entrance of the Lord Mayor, deputy Lord Mayor and High Sheriff who share the west dais. The Lord Mayor's chair is a huge affair, and I admit to having inwardly guffawed watching him struggle to drag it to the microphone, like some modern goldilocks. Then, once seated, Council opened with a reading from Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy ways" (of which I'm still trying to figure out the applicability). Most of the items on the agenda were regarding city planning, council facilities (such as the Cherryhill sports complex), Tax levy rate freezes, and other items of council note which brought about lots of debate from the councillors representing the districts of Belfast.

Three items came to mind that struck me about the Belfast City Council. First, the sheer number of councilors, 51. Most cities I've lived in of a comparable size have had much smaller numbers (7-10). Second, most of the Councillors dressed fairly casually, in slacks with button up shirts open at the neck and either a sports coat or pullover. Northern Ireland is much less formal a society, and unlike city politics in the states, only the Lord Mayor and his deputies were in suits and ties. The final surprise was at the significant number of young faces who had been elected as City Councillors. This is very atypical of US politics, where city politicians are older and more experienced, and better able to run campaigns for competitive seats of which there are fewer, and require greater resources and business establishment courting to secure. Needless to say, it amazes me that despite the apathy of many young Northern Irish toward their political system and parties, it is also the young people who are getting involved and securing the future.

While expecting a rather dull and unexciting session, things got a bit heated when the issue of peace walls came up. Like a switch had been flipped, all of the councillor's eyes were riveted to the speakers who passionately spoke of their frustration of the other side "coming into their neighborhoods and accosting their pensioners homes and property." PUP Councillor Hutchinson remarked in particular that this wasn't 1998, nor 2008, rather the political scene was much more polarized (referring to the tumultuous events of the last year of parades rioting and flag protests), and therefore the peace walls were more integral today than they were then (to date there are more peace walls now than when the Good Friday Accords were signed in 1998, before the demilitarization of most of the paramilitaries). Yes, sectarian tensions still remain, and the political situation IS different than it was during the Good Friday peace talks occured; however, the differences and improvements within the society and functionality of a devolved executive and parliament must be acknowledged. Things ARE NOT ANYWHERE near as bad as they were in 1972 (bloody Sunday), 1974 (Sunningdale strikes), 1981 (hunger strikes), 1995 (canary Wharf), or 1998 (Omagh). Northern Ireland for the most part is a peaceful society with mild turbulence and crime rate lower than any other European or American city. Unemployment remains low, except among young folk in economically deprived areas whom experience difficulties in marketing their skills and finding steady employ. Granted, things are not perfect, but the problems that exist today are no more significant or encompassing than those facing any other country dealing with their past (hint hint, America, which still lurks under her shadow of slavery, Jim Crow segregation, and mass racial Criminal incarceration).

Northern Ireland has come far from (as SDLP Councillor Keenan put it) "the hard days," "the dark days," and her "baggage." A new era does indeed exist, that is no less difficult; with the legacy that instead of relying on fear and violence, these politicians now must learn to navigate their differences and geo-political aspirations within a democratic process. The armalite has been long retired, and the ballot box is the only legitimate tool. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes a continued commitment to learning how to break down barriers and become a unified society. The great experiment of the 1990s is bearing fruit. Northern Ireland continues to be a success story.

Pilot Testing Heaven

While I came here for the history, the politics, and of course, the "Craic" (pronounced 'crack,' and meaning 'fun' - so if an Irishman asks you if you're looking for 'crack,' know that he's not offering you drugs!), I also came here to conduct a research project with the twin aims of collecting and preserving oral histories of gay men during the Troubles, and to see if there is any indication that exposure to sectarian conflict causes problematic sexual identity formation. So, it's only fitting that some of this blogging be used to familiarize you with my research methodology. Transparency and control is the name of the game here and critical to minimizing potential bias in research methodology.

I have begun the pilot testing of the interview questions to be used for the study, which will comprise 4 members of the staff of The Rainbow Project. Two of these staff members (PP.1 & PP.2) will serve as developers for the actual questions. They will undergo a mock interview at the end of which they will describe their reactions to the questions and how they felt. I will then analyze the responses each gave to determine if I'm getting the types of responses desired (not creating leading/biased questions mind you, but to ensure that I'm getting data that is useable). These questions will then be revamped for the other two pilot interviews (PP.3 & PP.4) whose participation will be to develop my own skills and confidence as an interviewer, and be familiar with the paperwork and recording device.

Methodology and Protocols of the interviews:
5 initial test questions were determined prior to review by peers. Three additional questions were added. Q.3 was added upon the suggestion and consultation of Dean Lee (One of The Rainbow Project's counseling staff and member of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, and leading expert in LGB&T counseling in Northern Ireland). Q.7 by myself after feeling there needed to be a context for the participant's current life. Q.8 was recommended by Dr. Kathryn MacKay, Mentor, member and Chair of my Capstone Project committee.

The goal of the interviews is to determine 4 variables, addressed by questions 2,4,5,6, and 7. Question 1 is to make the participant feel relaxed and begin building a foundation of trust to facilitate the rest of the interview.

QUESTIONS
Question 1: Introduction, Background info
1.Tell me about yourself? Would you tell me a bit about your childhood?
(AIMS – Introductory, getting comfortable with the participant, building a relationship of trust with the participant)

Question 2: Independent Variable - Sectarian Conflict
2. Would you tell me a bit about “The Troubles” and your personal experiences of it? What was the extent of your involvement? What was the extent of involvement of your family and friends?
(Aims – Involvement & Attitude toward Troubles)

Question 3: Setting up Question 4 - Sexual Identity development
3. What does the concept of "coming out about your sexuality" mean to you? Have you "come out?"

Question 4: Dependent Variable - Sexual Identity development -
4. Can you tell me when you first noticed your attraction to the same gender? What were your experiences of coming out?
(Aims – Development of Sexual Identity – Healthy vs. Problematic) Healthy vs. Problematic

Question 5: 3rd Variable - External Support Factors
5. Would you tell me about how your family and friends regarded being gay before you “came out?” What were their reactions when you were “coming out?” Did you find that their thoughts on being gay changed after you “came out?”
(Aims - External Environment – Support Factors)

Question 6: 4th Variable - Internal Resiliency Factors
6. What do you believe are your personal strengths? What do you believe are your personal weaknesses? How have these influenced your life as a gay man?
(Aims – Internal Resilience – Resiliency Factors)

Question 7: Current context for Dependent Variable - Sexual Identity Formation
7. Tell me a bit about your life today and the important people with which you share it?

Question 8: Wrapping up interview and maintaining the participant's ownership of their story.
8. What have I not asked you that you think important to tell me?

These will hopefully provide enough information for an informative oral history, as well as provide enough insight to actually be able to see if Sectarian conflict does effect Sexual Identity formation.

CONTROL GROUP
A small control group will be included of 8 gay mormons from Utah, 2 corresponding to each of the age brackets used in the actual research. My reasoning for using this demographic as a control group is that like Northern Ireland, Gay Mormons in Utah come from a very conservative and religious society. The only thing that should be different between the groups is that one endured sectarian conflict, and the other did not. This should be enough of a sampling to enable the groups to be compared and see if the coming out stories dramatically differ. I anticipate that resiliency factors might also be different, especially in the NI group, and show up different results according to age brackets (late troubles vs pre-troubles).

ANTICIPATED TIMELINE
- Pilot Interviews - Pilot interviews will commence through Friday Feb 7.
- Validating Interviews - Validating interviews, the 48 to be included in the final data will begin Monday Feb 10 and end on Monday March 31. This may seem like a brief period, however Rainbow Project has been quite proactive in suggesting individuals they feel would be of interest. At latest count there is a pool of 70 individuals to draw from. While some of these are Rainbow Project staff and volunteers, others are community activists who have been on the scene for many years. I will be looking outside of this pool for about 25% of the total to give us a sense of those who are not advocates and don't come from the club/bar/LGBT inner city scene. Some of these have already been located by attending sexual health clinic testing (gay men often come out for their health screenings from the more quieter demographics to these settings where there is less scrutiny and more privacy), and snowball sampling will be used for the remainder of these.