Project Internship Report

Voices Amidst Conflict: Gay Men in Northern Ireland Project Internship Research Report

Introduction

The sex researcher Alfred Kinsey broke the ground for research into homosexuality in 1948 with Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, which indicated that sexual experiences between males was more common than previously thought. He believed that sexuality was a fluid concept and that individuals fell on a measurable scale factoring heterosexuality with homosexuality. Studies such as this began to question long held societal views regarding homosexuality, with further research being pursued. The emerging scientific evidence helped gays and lesbians establish a movement to expand visibility. In the 1970s studies started to deemphasize pathological causation and instead treat homosexuality as a distinct identity. The search for a model upon which identity formation in homosexuals could be explained became the focus. Two models of sexual identity formation became accepted theories, the first of Cass, with a more recent proposal by Kaufmann-Johnson.

In 1979, Vivienne Cass proposed a six stage model of homosexual identity formation, based on several previously considered models. The model held that there were six specific stages in the formation of a homosexual identity: identity confusion, identity comparison, identity tolerance, identity acceptance, identity pride, and identity synthesis. Individuals would go through the process, the end goal of which was to firmly accept the identity. In 1984 she published a paper, Homosexual Identity Formation, in which she documented the results of a qualitative study. The purpose of which was to establish the validity of the Cass model. Her conclusion held that the six stage model was valid for four of the stages, and that specific distinctions between the stages were identifiable.

Joanne Kaufman and Carolyn Johnson questioned the usefulness of models unique to LGBTI populations, believing that the model proposed by Cass was too linear and narrow in scope. In 2004 Kaufman & Johnson published Stigmatized Individuals and the Process of Identity, in which they proposed that sociological models based on situational interactionism, reflected appraisal and situational identity negotiation theories were better suited to account for LGBTI experience, without the need for a community specific model. They suggested that identity formation was an active and continual process encompassing diversity of background, the social environment, personal self-view, and peer interaction. They further introduced the notion that gay relationships were one of the most important influences on identity formation. Their study attempted to demonstrate that these sociological frameworks explained the breadth of experience and outcome more than the traditional models.

While research into sexual identity formation is readily available, there has been little research done on how said identity formation might differ given the exposure to sectarian conflict. Literature particular to sectarian conflict in the case of Northern Ireland has been constrained to the main protagonists during “the Troubles” (the name given to three decades of violence over the geo-political status of Northern Ireland from 1968-1998) and includes such rich scholarship as Brian M. Walker’s A Political History of the Two Irelands: From Partition to Peace (2012) and Steve Bruce’s Paisley: Religion and Politics in Northern Ireland (2009). Yet, little research focuses specifically on the experiences of sexual minorities who were part of these torn communities – both Protestant and Catholic. Some ethnographic work has been done such as Marian Duggan’s Queering Conflict: Exploring Lesbian and Gay Experiences of Homophobia in Northern Ireland (2011), which focused on the specific issue of homophobia, and Paul Ryan’s Coming Out, Fitting In: The Personal Narratives of Some Gay Irish Men (2003) which is limited to date from only four interviews and included the entire island of Ireland in his sampling.

Voices Amidst Conflict sought to broaden the existing scholarship through a qualitative ethnographic study that collected and examined the experiences of gay men in Belfast, Northern Ireland to explore sexual identity formation in the atmosphere of sectarian conflict. Storytelling has a rich tradition in Northern Irish culture, and it was through oral histories that the experiences of gay men in Belfast were gathered and maintained, keeping intact the constructs of their own recollections. The project had two goals. First, to compile and archive for the historical record the individual experiences of gay men before, during, and after “The Troubles;” and second, to use these interviews to determine how the coming out process is influenced given sectarian conflict. The project is being conducted within the Cultural Studies paradigm using the interdisciplinary approaches of History, Political Science and Social Work to understand the powerful cultural forces facing gay men during the troubles.

Methodology
Elements of the Project

The project entailed a qualitative ethnographic study involving 48 self-identifying homosexual men, and received approval by Weber State University’s Institute Review Board. Participation was voluntary with invitation based on self-identification as a gay male over the age of 18. Additional restrictions on participations imposed by WSU’s IRB was that none could be exhibiting signs of dementia or other cognitive impairment. Initial participants were identified with the assistance of Belfast’s Rainbow Project using availability sampling. This involved a list of potential individuals, members of Rainbow Project’s staff and volunteer team, and attending several LGBTI organisation social events including the Out n About Walking Club, Queer Space (Belfast drop-in center), Derry drop-in center, Gay Lesbian Youth Network Northern Ireland, and a GUM STI Clinic Drop-in. Additional methods involved snowball sampling using the social networks of initial participants. Participants were grouped into 4 age brackets: (a) 18-25, (b) 26-39, (c) 40-59, and (d) 60 and over designed to represent the four periods of “the Troubles:” pre-violence, violent era, political negotiation, and modern era. Semi-structured interviews of one to two hour duration was the means to gather the data. During the course of the study, a field journal was kept by the researcher to record observations, personal feelings, and commentary on the population being studied with portions of it released on a public blog.

Because of the expansive nature of the task of tracking down and interviewing participants, it was necessary to travel to Northern Ireland, spending four months living amongst the population. Housing was found within the Lower Ormeau neighborhood near Queens University in the south side of the city. This neighborhood was once a Nationalist-Republican enclave but in recent years has become populated by a diverse number of ethnic groups including Roma, Polish, Romanian, Chinese, Slovakian, etc. The researcher ended up living with two housemates who represented different religious and political identities, one being a Nationalist Catholic from Derry, the other a Protestant from Dundalk.

Internship

Important to the project was gaining entry to the LGBTI community of Northern Ireland, which was facilitated by an internship conducted at TRP, Northern Ireland’s LGB&T support and advocacy organisation. During the length of fifteen weeks, approximately 225 volunteer hours were served in the role of Project Development Officer under the direction of TRP’s Sexual Health Development Officer in the capacity of providing ongoing office and administrative support by answering phones, meeting and greeting service users, coordinating and supporting volunteers and undertaking community outreach. Some of the particulars included maintaining sexual testing inventory levels, assisting in presenting a sexual orientation awareness training for teacher training at the University of Ulster, Coleraine, registering clients at a Sexual Health Screening clinic offered, working four nights delivering sexual health information with the Outreach team, and overseeing a weekly volunteer night responsible for putting together safer sex packs for distribution to clients and by the Outreach team. In addition to gaining access to potential participants, the researcher was able to gain a deeper understanding of the nuances of health related issues for the LGBT community in Northern Ireland (more specifically around sexual health and HIV which remains a large issue for many LGBT people).

Project Supervision

Project was supervised through frequent distance contact between the author and three main faculty mentors: Dr. Kathryn MacKay, Professor of History, Dr. Corina Segovia-Tadehara, Professor of Social Work, and Dr. Richard Price, Professor of Political Science. Additionally, contacts with two other faculty advisors were maintained unofficially, Dr. Carol McNamara, Director of the Walker Institute, who oversaw the internship conducted; and Dr. Barrett Bonella, Professor of Social Work, who advised on the project methodology.
Interview Development and Pilot Testing

Interview questions were designed to target specific data from participants: demographics and conditions of childhood, exposure to the troubles, development of sexual identity, external environmental presence of support conditions favorable to coming up gay, resiliency factors, and details of participant’s life today. The questions were developed with the consultation of researcher’s above stated mentors, two of TRP’s mental counselors (both of whom have expertise in working with Northern Ireland’s LGBTI and are accredited members of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy), and Dr. Paul McCold, a personal friend with experience in conducting research in the field of Restorative Justice and Conferencing. The interview questions underwent pilot testing with two pilot participants (referred to as P.P.#) in late January. Feedback from the pilot testing was minor, and resulted in slight tailoring of the order of the questions. Because the data attained from the two pilot interviews corresponded with the data hoped for, it was decided that the pilot testing was sufficient.

Data Collection Process

Active interviewing began on February 1st. Participant’s were interviewed individually in facilities provided by TRP in Belfast and Londonderry/Derry, with one interview conducted in a public house, and one conducted at the participant’s home (participant was a TRP volunteer and known by the interviewer). Researcher followed protocols restricting interviews of unknown participants in their personal homes.

Each one of the participants were treated in the exact same manner: participants were offered a refreshment such as coffee or tea and were given a brief overview of the project. They were then walked through the filling out of a WSU Oral History Interview Agreement Form outlining legal disclaimers and determining restrictions placed on the audio and transcript. Participants were offered the chance to both review audio/transcript and receive final copies after processing. They were then shown two things (See Appendix A):

A modified Cass Sexual Identity Formation Scale listing each stage and description. This was taken from Cass’ 1979 study and updated with TRP’s Sexual Health Development Officer to reflect modern terminology and local usage. As Cass’ original results showed little difference in respondents in Stage 1 and Stage 2, both were combined for the use of this project. The participant was told that one of these stages should best describe where they felt they were in their lives today. They were also told that no one stage would be one-hundred percent accurate, and each stage would have items that applied and did not apply.

The researcher then left the room, giving the participant five minutes to familiarise themselves with the two documents. When researcher returned, the participant was advised to refrain from using personal identifiers such as names; that naming particular neighborhoods was important given how radically change within Northern Ireland but based on their own comfort level; that they were welcome to name political parties, politicians, and other well known persons in the media. Participant was finally assured that this was their own personal narrative and they were welcome to take me on their own journey, and to use whatever language they were comfortable with, and to notify the researcher if they became uncomfortable with a question or particular line of inquiry. The interview was then begun, with the researcher sitting directly opposite.

While interview questions were developed to facilitate the data required, because the over arching goal of the project was to use oral history format to preserve the narratives, participants were encouraged to take the interviews in the direction they wanted to share, with the expectation that the interviewer would steer them back if there was a direction he felt important. While it was attempted to maintain the same rough structure of the interview, this was not possible as a consequence of the unique experiences that the participants brought. Some were more heavily exposed to the troubles than others, and sub prompts greatly varied from person to person. Older participants tended to self-direct their own recollections, while younger participants tended to rely heavily on interviewer prompting sticking strictly to the format.

The validation interviews were completed 30th March, 2014. Interviews of the comparison group, gay men who grew up LDS in LDS dominated communities, will be gathered the second week of may. The interviews for this group will be conducted in the same manner as the validation set, with the exception being that participants will not have exposure to sectarian conflict. This will be a much smaller group, made up of eight individuals, two from each age bracket.

Research Roadblocks, Unanticipated Issues, and Deviations from Initial Planning

Several unanticipated problems were encountered during the actual operational phases of the project. These were minor concerns dealing with logistics, rather than data integrity and appear to have been natural hurdles akin to the researcher’s skill level. Four different issues were encountered.

Firstly, the interviews were planned to take a maximum of an hour, which was found during pilot-testing to be inadequate and potentially extending to an hour-and-half. This was again needed to be extended to a potential two-and-half hours time period. The reasons for the extended interview times emerged to differ depending on the participants age and their exposure to the troubles. Those who were older had both more exposure as well as a longer life story in general. Younger participants were as brief as fourteen minutes (the shortest interview), with the longest taking two-and-half hours. This was based on how co-operative and forthcoming the participants were in their answers. The only issue this played on the project itself were the first two interviews who happened to be scheduled back to back (having assumed two hour time slots). As the participants were a couple, the second participant was more than willing to re-schedule. No further scheduling conflicts occurred throughout the project.

In addition to the length of interviews being relative to life experience, length was also influenced by occasional participants who would ‘hi-jack’ the interview. These were individuals who in addition to having many experiences to share, also had more complicated life stories and had the potential to ramble or go on circuitous tangents. While every effort was made by the researcher to reign the participants in and get them back on track, this often proved difficult with the researcher’s level of interview experience. Some of the data accordingly may not relate to the project being studied, but does provide an interesting commentary on part of the LGB&T Community in Northern Ireland.

Because the length of the interviews was on the whole longer than anticipated, the time needed for transcription was greatly underestimated. Not only were the interviews longer, the transcription work itself was underestimated. Instead of a normal one hour interview taking approximately three hours, an hour long interview instead took about six hours to transcribe. This brought about a level of frustration due to the necessity of extending timelines by about a month, just because of the transcription process. Timelines for completing the project entirely is now anticipated to be at the end of May, 2014.

The final hurdle encountered within the project was the lack of availability of gay identifying participants over the age of 65 (the fourth age bracket). By mid-February it became apparent that this demographic would simply not be attainable. Upon consulting with my mentors it was decided that changing the older two age brackets to 40 to 59, and 60+ would not have a significant impact on the data. While those aged 65+ would have experienced much more of the atmosphere pre-troubles, data obtained from one individual who was 68 and the others in their sixties showed little difference to warrant an exclusive look at such a high age bracket. Once age brackets were adjusted, the desired quotas were able to fit within timelines for completing the interview process.

Discussion on Initial Indications

The 48 main participants came from a vast demographic, representative of a wide swath of Northern Irish society. All of the individuals were self-identified gay men, with the majority reporting stage 6 on the Cass Sexual Identity Formation Scale (while Cass' development model is seen to be problematic in the modern sense for its linear nature as well as lack of applicability in the changed evolution of acceptance of gays, for a conservative society and in particular Northern Ireland, I believe that the model is useful in screening those who are early on their journey of sexual development and whose potential exhibitors of factors associated with problematic sexual identity formation are actually due to immature development as opposed to problematic development). Regarding this figure, 35 reported as stage six (the final stage), 1 in between five and six, and 4 in stage five. Only 7 participants reported in being in a lower stage, with the lowest stage reported being 3.

Participants fell into 4 age brackets (18-25, 26-39, 40-59, 60+) to correspond with being in early adulthood during one of the four eras of modern Northern Irish history: pre-troubles (12 respondents), early troubles (11 respondents), late troubles (13 respondents), and post political agreement (12 respondents). These respondents were ranked on a 5 point scale referring to their exposure to the thirty year period of violence known as "The Troubles" (1969-1998) with zero being the least exposed and 4 having the maximum exposure (4's were given based upon frequent exposure to civil unrest and/or victimization). Ranking on this scale was determined by Interviewer based upon participant responses. Of the total number of participants, 58% reported recollections of significant exposure. As was expected, the older age brackets had higher exposure than the lower age brackets with most in the youngest age bracket being assigned 1. For older participants, the exposure varied depending on what neighborhood the individual grew up in or career paths taken (3 respondents in particular experienced maximum exposure as a consequence of one having been a member of the Royal Ulster Constabulary/RUC, one a member of the British Army who served several tours of duty in Northern Ireland, and one a member of a paramilitary organization).

Geographically, 44 of the respondents grew up in Northern Ireland, with the rest growing up in England and the Republic of Ireland (The English respondent and one of the republic of Ireland participants moved to Northern Ireland at the beginning of the troubles to find work and stayed; The two other Republic participants were born near the border with Northern Ireland and spent time on both sides). Of those raised in Northern Ireland, 22 are from County Antrim (15 of which from Belfast), 11 from County Down, 8 from County Londonderry, 2 from County Tyrone, and 1 unspecified (Counties Fermanagh and Armagh fielded 0 participants).

As to the faith community of the participants, 20 were raised Catholic, 21 Protestant, 4 with no religious identification, 1 mixed (both Catholic and Protestant), and 2 not stating any religious background growing up. Protestants represented a diverse number of faiths with 6 Presbyterian, 1 Christian, 4 Church of Ireland/Anglican, 1 Christadelphian, and 1 Plimouth Brethren, 3 unspecified Protestants, and 5 mixed Protestant faiths (person was either raised with two different faiths simultaneously, or families converted among different sects at different times).

This research is exploratory and in many ways ground breaking. It is difficult to anticipate any outcomes of the research beyond a belief that overall generalities and patterns in the coming out experiences will be similar with some possible differences in the narratives of those raised with different religious affiliations. Marie Duggan found in her research that some variation existed and offered an explanation of Catholic emphasis on action versus Protestant emphasis on identification (2011, p. 80-81). There is also some anticipation of differences in the narratives of those raised rurally rather than in urban settings.

Most of the participants appeared to be healthy, with few of them currently experiencing any factors such as alcoholism, drug addiction, inability to form and maintain platonic relationships, and so forth. A portion of participants did have some alcohol and drug abuse at earlier points of their lives, but this appear to be related to other coinciding conditions such as mental disorders, and in two individual’s case, severe PTSD related to atypical victimisation (one was a former paramilitary the other was physically forced to leave town by a paramilitary group on accusations he had made unwanted sexual advances). There is another portion of individuals who did report some inability to form stable romantic relationships, however this will need to await the final analysis to see where it fits in relation to age, and presence of the afore mentioned factors. On the whole, the individuals who participated in the study were happy, well adjusted gay men, many of which were in either paired or long term dating relationships that they described favorably.

At this juncture of the project the interviews are still in process of finishing transcription and being coded for analysis and as such conclusive results are pending. That being said, the above observations and initial impressions from the researcher based upon the hearing of the initial interviews leads the researcher to preliminarily venture that it would appear that sectarian conflict does not have a direct link to causing problematic sexual identity formation. However, most, if not all did exhibit problematic sexual identity formation at some point in their early stages of their formation. This appeared to clear up once the participant was able to address and rectify what the particular road block in their development was (some it was a conflict with faith, some family expectations, others their employment). Once the intervention was introduced, most of the participants responded favorably enough to continue their journey of sexual identity formation. This was similar among participants who had both little exposure to the troubles, and those who had a significant amount of exposure. Had the actual basis of the blockage in their identity formation been attributed to their exposure to sectarian conflict, it is doubtful that the participants would have been as responsive to the said interventions.

It is the researcher’s opinion that the causation of problematic sexual identity formation is more correctly to be attributed to living in a conservative society, which it is hoped will be supported by appearing equally in the LDS raised comparison populations. If sectarianism can be thought to have any impact on sexual identity formation it is probably as a consequence of sectarianism fostering a conservative society. For thirty years, from 1969 to 1998, Northern Ireland remained a rigidly conservative society, which only let up once militarization ended and outside elements began to feel safe in the province. To clarify, while sectarianism is a factor that can contribute to sexual identity formation through maintaining a conservative society, it however is only a factor.

Conclusion

Sexual identity formation is still relatively not well understood, and as Kaufman believed, not a linear process. That process is vast and varies based on a variety of interconnected factors, which may be complicated by the presence of sectarianism. Sectarianism however does not seem to effect an individual’s sexual identity formation any more significantly than it does all other aspects of their life and environment. That will change from person to person, based on the quality of life and the physical and emotional safety factors which have been a foundation of Abraham Maslow’s work in his hierchy of needs.

This project is significant in it’s breadth and scope. While it can not necessarily be applied to all individuals in Northern Ireland who identify as gay, the very scope indicates that the findings here are well representative of that demographic. In addition to a fascinating look into sectarianism and how it relates to sexual identity formation, this project has gathered data in regards to other aspects of the Northern Irish gay experience.

Political affiliation and voting habits is one such area. Most gay men expressed dissatisfaction with the political system and that none of the established parties represent their views. This was consistent across the political backgrounds of the participants, whether green or orange.

“In Northern Ireland, I sometimes doubt the ability of the people of Northern Ireland to elect people who are suitable to govern. I genuinely do not believe that the people who are current ministers in Stormont are capable of being ministers.” - Participant 2

While Colleen Steenkamp's Culture of Violence theory did not seem to apply towards many aspects of public perception of gays (i.e., gays did not seem singled out for homophobic attacks any worse than other places), there are other aspects of life where this could very well be observed, such as within the education system. Recent allegations of abuse (both sexual, emotional and physical) within the Catholic Church have portrayed an often brutal environment. Participant 35 went into some of the intimidation he experienced.

“When violence is done that’s bad enough, but when violence is done in the name of God for your own good, it sort of doesn’t work. It’s just a contradiction of terms. Here’s a God of love, but just to make sure, we’re gonna batter you stupid. So, you’se understand the God of love, you know?"

Yet another theme that was consistently seen is that the Troubles effected the poorer working class neighborhoods the worst. Most paramilitaries were recruited from such neighborhoods as a reaction to a feeling of helplessness. While upper class had political outlets, the working class often saw violence as their only way of being heard and forcing change.

“The only people who are in jail are working class. And Republicans were the same. The only people who were open, working class, were Republicans. And ye sat and you looked at them, you went, “He came from Ballymurphy. He came from Turflodge. And, his Dad was a brookie.” 
- Participant 47

Emigration, the great tragedy of the island of Ireland, both north and south, was echoed by many of the participants. A significant number of the younger participants expressed their desire to emigrate, either finding Northern Ireland too provincial or few opportunities for them. Participant three expressed ambivalence in not knowing whether to go or stay:

"I suppose the biggest stress for me at the minute is whether I want to keep living here...I sort of, I almost feel as if it’s too small for me. That the things that people care about here are, are almost insignificant to me. And whether or not I am more suited to living somewhere else. But, also, you know, as an Irish person, I’m very aware of the legacy of Irish people leaving Ireland, and the damage that has done to the country. So, it’s always, it’s almost a sense of if you leave, it’s almost, like, giving up. Giving up on Ireland. I don’t know. Something I’ll probably be thinking about for another couple of years, anyway."

It is my hope that this research will spur others to look into issues such as these, not only within the LGBTI community, but also within Northern Ireland in general. Research is only useful if it either galvanizes further inquiry or culminates in a final, useful product, and it is the researcher’s opinion that this research accomplishes both. Not only has significant inquiry been made into a little known area of conflict studies, but the life stories and history of gay men who lived during the Troubles in Northern Ireland, has now been recorded and preserved. During the course of the researcher’s time in Northern Ireland he has engaged and met with some of the most resilient and amazing persons he has had the honor to meet. He has also had the chance to observe, question, analyze the going ons first hand of a society in the stage post-political reconciliation, speaking with not only LGBTI society, but with a wide expanse of individuals across the province.

It has been a remarkable ride.

The first Demographic Returns on the project

Onto the next phase of my project. On March 30, I successfully concluded my 48th interview, bringing an end to the interviewing and data collection phase. Now, on to the coding and data entry, allowing me to be able to tabulate some basic demographics and verifying some initial conclusions. The transcription part of the project is a bugger, and has expanded from my initial projections to 4 times the amount of labour needed. It will probably be well into May before I have a final master transcript to present. Which is fine, because comparison group interviews won't be completed until the second week in May.

The participants come from a wide range of backgrounds and experiences. Here are the first returns on demographics of the participants:

48 gay men were interviewed between February 1st and March 30th. All of the individuals were self-identified gay men, with the majority reporting stage 6 on the Cass Sexual Identity Formation Scale (while Cass' development model is seen to be problematic in the modern sense for its linear nature as well as lack of applicability in the changed evolution of acceptance of gays, for a conservative society and in particular Northern Ireland, I believe that the model is useful in screening those who are early on their journey of sexual development and whose potential exhibitors of factors associated with problematic sexual identity formation are actually due to immature development as opposed to problematic development). Regarding this figure, 35 reported as stage six (the final stage), 1 in between five and six, and 4 in stage five. Only 7 participants reported in being in a lower stage, with the lowest stage reported being 3.

Participants fell into 4 age brackets (18-25, 26-39, 40-59, 60+) to correspond with being in early adulthood during one of the four eras of modern Northern Irish history: pre-troubles (12 respondents), early troubles (11 respondents), late troubles (13 respondents), and post political agreement (12 respondents). These respondents were ranked on a 5 point scale referring to their exposure to the thirty year period of violence known as "The Troubles" (1969-1998) with zero being the least exposed and 4 having the maximum exposure (4's were given based upon frequent exposure to civil unrest and/or victimization). Ranking on this scale was determined by Interviewer based upon participant responses. Of the total number of participants, 58% reported recollections of significant exposure. As was expected, the older age brackets had higher exposure than the lower age brackets with most in the youngest age bracket being assigned 1. For older participants, the exposure varied depending on what neighborhood the individual grew up in or career paths taken (3 respondents in particular experienced maximum exposure as a consequence of one having been a member of the Royal Ulster Constabulary/RUC, one a member of the British Army who served several tours of duty in Northern Ireland, and one a member of a paramilitary organization).

Geographically, 44 of the respondents grew up in Northern Ireland, with the rest growing up in England and the Republic of Ireland (The English respondent and one of the republic of Ireland participants moved to Northern Ireland at the beginning of the troubles to find work and stayed; The two other Republic participants were born near the border with Northern Ireland and spent time on both sides). Of those raised in Northern Ireland, 22 are from County Antrim (15 of which from Belfast), 11 from County Down, 8 from County Londonderry, 2 from County Tyrone, and 1 unspecified (Counties Fermanagh and Armagh fielded 0 participants).

As to the faith community of the participants, 20 were raised Catholic, 21 Protestant, 4 with no religious identification, 1 mixed (both Catholic and Protestant), and 2 not stating any religious background growing up. Protestants represented a diverse number of faiths with 6 Presbyterian, 1 Christian, 4 Church of Ireland/Anglican, 1 Christadelphian, and 1 Plimouth Brethren, 3 unspecified Protestants, and 5 mixed Protestant faiths (person was either raised with two different faiths simultaneously, or families converted among different sects at different times).

Overall participants were well representative of the general population in terms of geography, religious upbringing, and exposure to the Troubles.

Learning More About Myself...Lessons on Dating Learned on the Ould Sod

It is interesting the things that you learn about yourself, most especially when you place yourself in new environments and situations. Being here in Northern Ireland has been such an opportunity, and I believe that the way I see the world has been changed forever. Despite this expected change, I was not expecting for most of it to be insight into myself, and definitely not within the murky realm of relationships and love.

Now, there is a certain confession I must make….I've always harbored a particular nostalgic and romanticized dream of living in Belfast. Did you all REALLY think it was just about gays and conflict and peace studies? For fifteen years I've silently kindled the fire of 'coming home,' vowing to someday live on the 'ould sod.' Why else would Irish crisps taste better than regular frito lay? Or Deloreans be the most kick ass car ever produced (Yes, the DMC Delorean remains the only car to be made in Northern Ireland…and mechanically/electrically flawed with a good number of them becoming flaming infernos…)? When I last left the island of Ireland, I broke down and cried while walking onto the plane, having felt a connection to the people and land which has eluded me back in Amerikay.

While you're wondering, that dream also included falling in love with a Northern Irish man, marrying, and eventually Immigrating.

Glimpses of this can be caught in portions of my journaling made throughout my life (or at least since 2002, when I first made my trip here). There is an idea that life was on hold and would finally "begin" for me. I suspect that much of this stems from not having had much luck in establishing a long term pairing, and also from what others might have inferred. Certainly the last eight years of constant moving has been influenced in some levels at dating frustration (the seven years of moving before that were influenced not so much by dating, but in problematic sexual identity formation from not being able to accept this part of my natural condition). Portland, Honolulu, Newport, Boston, Salt Lake…it's all been a factor. And in fact, each one of these cities has generally involved moving for the potential of certain individuals (Lee, John, Joe, Adam, J'Myle, etc).

Now that I've been here about two and a half months, the foolish notion that "my one and only" is here seems to have gradually sulked away to the deeper recesses of my consciousness. I feel I'm allowed to start looking at my quest for partners in a different light. Aspects of compatibility, attractions, self confidence, self esteem, comfortability with self and others are being reexamined. And odd patterns are making themselves known.

One such insight is the connection between my musical tastes and the experiences and expectations I seek (or have sought) in dating. My preferred music is as passionate and stirring as possible. For example, Shostakovich is one of my favorite composers. Listening to one of his symphonies brings to mind the Innui of siberia and the crying of Mother Russia for the pain of her citizens throughout the last millennium. Playwrights are the same, with O'Casey, Ibsen, Miller, Kushner, and Flaherty/Ahrens all appearing in my repertoire. It takes angst, complexity of themes, and expanse of the human condition to make me happy. Mozart be damned to the darkest circles of Dante's Inferno, especially his light and flutey airs characterized in Eine Kleine Nacht Musik. Unless it's his Dies Irae, I'll leave it to the more classically appreciative. Give me demons and hellfire! Make me relive my pain and guilt! The depths of human pathos are what I want, and I will pay you any amount of admission for such a show. Maybe that's why I love NPR. Country ballads. Victor Hugo. I'm not emo. I'm just someone who loves the highs and the lows.

You're probably wondering what this has to do with my dating, and the answer is EVERYTHING. My expectations seem to have also come to seek similar emotional rushes in dating. Probably it explains why I have a tendency to harp and go back to those I left behind. I don't think I do it out of a tendency to be cruel. I genuinely liked those guys. If I didn't, they would have never arisen again in my mind (yes, there are those I've dated who fall into that category) and I move on. Despite my pronounced distaste of drama in my relationships, there is this certain form of drama which I indeed play. Not for the sake of drama, but for the complex array of emotions it makes me feel. The more complicated, the bigger the attraction. Probably this is also why guys who I "can't read," or "I'm unsure how I feel," are intriguing pursuits.

At any rate, I believe I digress. Like my choices in music, literature and theatre, I have come to require emotional extremes in the guys I date. This seems to happen at the beginning, mostly facilitated by emotional aids such as settings, ambiance, conversation, alcohol, exoticy, time of day, events, etc. By seeking these early on, I set myself up for the failure of a mainstream, i.e normal, course of day to day life. Dating guys who "live more than 1,000 miles away" also aids in an accomplice faire in this game, preventing me from being wrapped up in the mundane, day to day aspects of their lives. Russell was really the first guy I dated whom I saw on a daily basis (Though to be fair, dating Russell was never a normal experience, the tragedy of his life providing more than enough roller coaster fuel).

What does this all mean? I'm not really sure yet. I am dating here and trying to date differently (not to try to find my Northern Irishman mind you, but just dating for companionship for the time being while I'm here). While I slip into old patterns, I am becoming much more cognizant of why I behave and what motivates me to act the way I do. I am especially aware of the integrity of my own study and set boundaries in place, refusing to date or sleep with any of the participants that I am interviewing (admittedly it is an interesting thing to be conducting research within one's own community, which oft times limits your personal enjoyment).

On sunday evening I found myself looking into the azure blue eyes of a gentleman very different from myself. This was our second date, and following a successful home cooked dinner of New Orleans Gumbo and King Cake (Two of my personal favorite recipes), we neglected to turn on netflix to instead talk for several hours. While looking into the eyes of this very interested gentleman, I felt an intense fear, scared to death that he would find the ordinary, everyday Joshua to be a boring old bore. Yet, remarkably, as I focused on this, I didn't push it away. Instead, I felt the familiar, paralyzing fear and began bending it into a different direction. Observe. Describe. Participate…I think that the time is well nigh that I faced some very deep seated fears.

Northern Ireland a transformative experience? Oh, just wait and see! And just for the record, yes, the Deloran is STILL the most kick ass car ever made. And one which I had the joy of driving for two very brief years. And you can take THAT to the bank!

The Loyal Orange Order Parades

On Saturday I witnessed my first Orange parade. While downtown I passed what at first i took to be one of the seemingly frequent 'flag protests' (expected even more so on the heels of this past week's On the Runs controversy). However, I noticed that uniformed PSNI officers were lining up the main thoroughfare of Royal Ave, indicative of something more. My inquiry of one of them turned out that a parade was expected in a bit, so I decided to hang about to experience it.

The Orange order, or Loyal Orange Order is one of three Protestant fraternal organizations (Black Preceptory and Apprentice Boys being the other two) which have become known in Northern Ireland for the many parades that are staged around the year. Over 300 of them will be conducted between April and August, what is known as "Marching Season" culminating with July 12th, the holiday commemoration of William of Orange's 1690 Victory at the Battle of the Boyne. For many protestants these parades are a visible show of their cultural pride and historical origins. The parades have been going on for hundreds of years, but since the troubles have become lightning rods of controversy. While many lodges have altered their routes, some of the more belligerent lodges have continued to insist on marching the traditional routes which (because of a combination of urbanization and population displacement in the 1970s) now go through heavily catholic neighborhoods or business districts.

The particular parade of today was from the Sandy Row lodge, in solidarity of their brother lodge in Woodvale who have been prevented (in frequent parades and protests) since the last July 12th of marching back 'home.' The original parade's Committee had ruled that while they would be allowed to march down the road, they would not be allowed to return by the same route. This led to a very heated marching season, erupting in violence. Today the lodge is still trying to finish the route, believing it is their right both civilly and culturally. Every few weeks another parade is held, which attempts to complete the march, but in turn, is stopped by police. The cost of shutting down the streets and police presence has been enormous, and several stories in the Telegraph have focused on the inability to maintain such costs in a time where resources are already hard to come by.

For a time, I waited, with nothing in sight. Then came the beat of the drums from far off, subtle, but portending a coming storm. As it gained in crescendo, police started moving into position. When the parade finally came into view down North Donegal Street, phalanxes of about five or six different lodges with several band contingents could be seen. Each lodge was dressed in their traditional orange sash (sans bowler), following behind their respective banner indicative of their home lodge. As the parade turned onto Royal Avenue, the din became deafening, the acoustics amplified by the narrow streets and high buildings. The atmosphere created was intimidating, and dare I even say, slightly terrifying? One little girl beside me backed away in terror, clinging to her father in tears. Here were row upon row of stern faced individuals, marching to military songs of old amidst the deafening beat of drums, defiance in their faces.

The Sash (My Father Wore)

So sure l'm an Ulster Orangeman, from Erin's isle I came,
To see my British brethren all of honour and of fame,
And to tell them of my forefathers who fought in days of yore,
That I might have the right to wear, the sash my father wore!

Chorus:
It is old but it is beautiful, and its colours they are fine
It was worn at Derry, Aughrim, Enniskillen and the Boyne.
My father wore it as a youth in bygone days of yore,
And on the Twelfth I love to wear the sash my father wore.

Chorus

For those brave men who crossed the Boyne have not fought or died in vain
Our Unity, Religion, Laws, and Freedom to maintain,
If the call should come we'll follow the drum, and cross that river once more
That tomorrow's Ulsterman may wear the sash my father wore!

Chorus

And when some day, across the sea to Antrim's shore you come,
We'll welcome you in royal style, to the sound of flute and drum
And Ulster's hills shall echo still, from Rathlin to Dromore
As we sing again the loyal strain of the sash my father wore!

Hiccups in a "process"

Yet another chapter in the process of peace in Northern Ireland. This week it came out like a bombshell in the newspapers that letters had been given to a significant number of paramilitaries wanted for accusations of murders and actions (many going back 20-30 years) by the British government. Many of these individuals have been on the run outside of the country. Much of this came to light in a particular court case of late that fell through on the technicality of one of these letters which essentially granted Queen's amnesty. The outrage has been significant, to the extent that yesterday the first minister, Peter Robinson threatened to resign if the Prime Minister didn't launch an inquiry. Such a resignation would have triggered an election, and while interesting as a political exercise, would have wrecked havoc with an already delicate political landscape. Today Prime Minister Cameron announced the inquiry, so presumably the First Minister is safe from carrying out his threat. Which threat is no real surprise...there is a paranoia on the part of a particular segment of the Northern Irish population who are always looking for signs of the British willing to 'sell them down the river.'

The issue of what to do with those who carried out killings in the name of political expediency (whether Loyalist, Nationalist or Security Force alike) has been an ongoing problem, and one which is common to any country destabilized by insurgency/revolution/independence movements. There are many versions of history here, narratives which depend on the community one comes from. Freedom fighters. Murderers. Victims. The term varies, and no one has yet been able to figure out the best way to come to grips with the legacy of the past. Unlike South Africa and several other situations, no truth commission has yet been successfully launched. There have been some smaller commissions focusing on individual instances (such as Bloody Sunday) which have had some resolution, but for the most part, nothing on a wider scale. A part of the Haas talks at the end of last year sought to broach the possibility of such a larger commission, but was met with large scale resistance and eventually had to be set aside.

There is much pain that exists to this day, and much fear. Yet, risks have had to be taken to move things along, such as the part of the 1998 peace accords that resulted in prisoner releases that effected both communities. These risks, in the name of peace, have for the most part been successful. Justice was sacrificed to lay to rest vengeance, with the recognition that in conflicts such as that went on during the Troubles, there are no innocents. All are victims by time and circumstance, and each story is as valid and tragic as the other. Yes, there may be outrage, and much political posturing is being made of this...but perhaps this is an important step needed to be taken to continue to move things down the path. Where that path may lead is anyone's guess.

Everyone, including myself at times, seems to forget that the peace process in Northern Ireland is just that: a process. A delicate process. A struggling process. A hopeless process. A hopeful process. Each citizen of Northern Ireland sees this process in a different light, with different adjectives reflecting their outlook on life and their experiences. Perhaps I'm just an optimist, and maybe that's my prerogative as an outsider...yet I firmly believe that Northern Ireland is on a track to success. Hiccups such as the ones over the past year and the one in the past few days are to be expected. Smooth sailing is not realistic, and history tells us to expect otherwise. Even the experiment of 1776 has had many problems and took decades (if not a century!) to define itself and its institutions. Rome, and certainly not Washington, was not born in a day...and neither will Northern Ireland!

The complications between theory and hands on Research

First week of full study interviews (meaning, not pilot nor control groups). It has begun, though with some modifications.

The original intention had been to have four pilot interviews, which logistics and scheduling forced down to two. Problems with two of the interviews were as follows: The first interview (P.P.1) had to cancel due to an emergency when we had only just gotten started and was never able to find a suitable time to reschedule, and intended fourth interview (P.P.4) was slow in responding to scheduling requests (second and third interviews occured without any problems). These four had been selected by consultation between myself and the sexual health officer at Rainbow Project who selected the individuals for pilot testing, based upon their experience of LGB&T issues in Northern Ireland, their assortment of age & professional demographics, and the perception that they would be qualified to give constructive feedback on the structure, format and data (both intended and collected) of the interviews. Timelines for this project have aways been limited, with a growing awareness of the mortality of timelines. It has been a constant concern and one of the aspects of the project I had misjudged in the planning stages. Getting established, gaining entry, and field observation took far longer than had been anticipated, despite the sense of having been relatively well prepared.

If one aspect of the project had to be chosen for best executed, it has always been the preparation phase. This portion of the project begun in January of 2013 and ended December of 2013 included extensive perusal of academic, news, and popular literature on Northern Ireland, as well as media. I’m most proud of this and it has been remarked on several occasions that my level of knowledge on the issues present in the culture and political landscape is astonishing.

That said, I could have gone even further by studying sport and games (such as gaelic, rugby, hurling, and football). However, this would have been of very little use in my current project beyond facilitating the gaining entry with more general Northern Irish society and putting me more at ease (like most of the world, sport here is highly valued and in many ways revered as a sort of secular religion. The “high altar of our blessed pitch,” if you will). Had I been interviewing other portions of Northern Irish society this would have been necessary. Thankfully, the stereotype holds true and gay men are less prone to demand sport adherence, though still much higher in the British LGB&T communities than in the US. A week and a half ago, while visiting Edinburgh, I visited a gay bar which was practically a sports bar. It gave me several minutes of confusion as I struggled to determine if I was in the right place, finally discovering I was by searching through the literature for distribution on the wall!

Much of the actual carrying out of the project and the associated problems I’ve found to be the normal aspects of first time research. My grasp of theory was fairly good thanks to my research methods course last semester, however, it is the most practical aspects in the actual carrying out which have been a problem, especially in the understanding of timelines and tracking down, scheduling, and interviewing participants, then processing their interviews. Rookie mistakes. BUT not mistakes that would bias, call into question, or otherwise diminish the academic soundness of the data itself.

While more pilot interviewing would have been preferable, the questions had been screened by several individuals and changes mades upon their recommendations. Some adjustments were also made following the 1st completed pilot interview (P.P.2), but these were made on the basis of flow, rather than function. The second interview completed (P.P.3) was conducted with a mental health counselor whose an expert in Northern Irish LGB&T concerns, that indicated his satisfaction with both the flow and the format of the prompts. I found that the data being obtained was satisfactory and objective, without signs of bias, and decided that further pilot testing would merely pose to delay the project further. It was decided to begin active testing to achieve timetables of interview completion by 31st of March (with the exception of control interviews which will be completed the second week in May).

Beyond the pilot testing cut short, the only other matter which has posed a concern is the time scheduled between participants. Originally an hour was thought to suffice, which was expanded to an Hour and a Half following P.P.3. This was decided to expand even further after the first regular participant, P.1, took 2 hours 20 minutes. The next scheduled interview had taken into account an hour and a half, and was forced to wait 45 minutes. Thankfully, the second participant (P.2) who was the civil partner of P.1 was understanding and agreed to reschedule. It was decided that no less than 3 hours would be necessary between scheduling interviews.

Difficult, difficult day

Today was an extremely difficult and challenging day emotionally. I am meeting some of the most amazing and resilient people I have ever had the opportunity to talk with, and hearing some of the most heartbreaking stories. There is fiction, and then there is reality. Humans are so fragile, yet so resilient. Learning much, but so much more left to learn...

I'm feeling exhausted, emotionally drained. Wondering if I can truly do these stories justice. I feel in awe, that they trust me that much to share such intimate and heartwrenching details of their lives.

Welcome to Belfast...

A Night in the Council...

Tonight I attended the Belfast City Council meeting, which was my first local politics meeting. Belfast politics are unique given the polarity of the parties and the power inherent in Northern Ireland's capital city.

Upon arrival I realized how very different such local politics operate here when I was asked what councillor was sponsoring my entrance. The city council is NOT open to the public, compared to the "town hall" model which is much beloved as an American institution. This was quickly remedied however by the kindness of Councillor Guy Spence who agreed to vouch for me. Spence is something of a wunderkind here in local politics, having been elected to the council at the tender age of 19, and surprisingly a member of the Democratic Unionist Party (though the true surprise probably would have been from him had I been forthcoming fully about the topic of my research project!). City councillors are allowed to sponsor two constituents to the gallery.

I gained admittance and was directed to the public gallery overlooking the south side of the chamber, where I got to speaking with a council employee who explained to me the layout of the chamber (nationalist/alliance parties on the north benches with unionist on the south). Public opinion is not solicited, with council meetings being a formality agreeing to what is passed in committee meetings. This makes sense considering the tight control with which British Politicians are bound to their party. When I asked if the public had the chance in committee meetings to then express their opinion, he seemed taken aback and remarked "that's what we elect representatives for!" He then elaborated that public constituency speak with their representatives directly if they wish to comment on a particular policy or matter of concern.

City Hall is an impressive architectural wonder from the turn of the 20th century that complements Belfast's former place as a shipbuilding/linen/ropemaking industrial center of the empire. Decorated in brightly painted plaster, murals, ornamentation, wrought iron, carved oak, marble, and stained glass, City Hall poses a picture of dissonance: what was built for the ascendancy of Lords and Ladies in robes and gowns, now occupied by a modern people representative of a power held firmly in the hands of the people. All under the prudish gaze of HRM Queen Victoria, peering out of her 15 foot high canvas. I can't but wonder what she would have thought?

Council opened with the entrance of the Lord Mayor, deputy Lord Mayor and High Sheriff who share the west dais. The Lord Mayor's chair is a huge affair, and I admit to having inwardly guffawed watching him struggle to drag it to the microphone, like some modern goldilocks. Then, once seated, Council opened with a reading from Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy ways" (of which I'm still trying to figure out the applicability). Most of the items on the agenda were regarding city planning, council facilities (such as the Cherryhill sports complex), Tax levy rate freezes, and other items of council note which brought about lots of debate from the councillors representing the districts of Belfast.

Three items came to mind that struck me about the Belfast City Council. First, the sheer number of councilors, 51. Most cities I've lived in of a comparable size have had much smaller numbers (7-10). Second, most of the Councillors dressed fairly casually, in slacks with button up shirts open at the neck and either a sports coat or pullover. Northern Ireland is much less formal a society, and unlike city politics in the states, only the Lord Mayor and his deputies were in suits and ties. The final surprise was at the significant number of young faces who had been elected as City Councillors. This is very atypical of US politics, where city politicians are older and more experienced, and better able to run campaigns for competitive seats of which there are fewer, and require greater resources and business establishment courting to secure. Needless to say, it amazes me that despite the apathy of many young Northern Irish toward their political system and parties, it is also the young people who are getting involved and securing the future.

While expecting a rather dull and unexciting session, things got a bit heated when the issue of peace walls came up. Like a switch had been flipped, all of the councillor's eyes were riveted to the speakers who passionately spoke of their frustration of the other side "coming into their neighborhoods and accosting their pensioners homes and property." PUP Councillor Hutchinson remarked in particular that this wasn't 1998, nor 2008, rather the political scene was much more polarized (referring to the tumultuous events of the last year of parades rioting and flag protests), and therefore the peace walls were more integral today than they were then (to date there are more peace walls now than when the Good Friday Accords were signed in 1998, before the demilitarization of most of the paramilitaries). Yes, sectarian tensions still remain, and the political situation IS different than it was during the Good Friday peace talks occured; however, the differences and improvements within the society and functionality of a devolved executive and parliament must be acknowledged. Things ARE NOT ANYWHERE near as bad as they were in 1972 (bloody Sunday), 1974 (Sunningdale strikes), 1981 (hunger strikes), 1995 (canary Wharf), or 1998 (Omagh). Northern Ireland for the most part is a peaceful society with mild turbulence and crime rate lower than any other European or American city. Unemployment remains low, except among young folk in economically deprived areas whom experience difficulties in marketing their skills and finding steady employ. Granted, things are not perfect, but the problems that exist today are no more significant or encompassing than those facing any other country dealing with their past (hint hint, America, which still lurks under her shadow of slavery, Jim Crow segregation, and mass racial Criminal incarceration).

Northern Ireland has come far from (as SDLP Councillor Keenan put it) "the hard days," "the dark days," and her "baggage." A new era does indeed exist, that is no less difficult; with the legacy that instead of relying on fear and violence, these politicians now must learn to navigate their differences and geo-political aspirations within a democratic process. The armalite has been long retired, and the ballot box is the only legitimate tool. It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes a continued commitment to learning how to break down barriers and become a unified society. The great experiment of the 1990s is bearing fruit. Northern Ireland continues to be a success story.

Pilot Testing Heaven

While I came here for the history, the politics, and of course, the "Craic" (pronounced 'crack,' and meaning 'fun' - so if an Irishman asks you if you're looking for 'crack,' know that he's not offering you drugs!), I also came here to conduct a research project with the twin aims of collecting and preserving oral histories of gay men during the Troubles, and to see if there is any indication that exposure to sectarian conflict causes problematic sexual identity formation. So, it's only fitting that some of this blogging be used to familiarize you with my research methodology. Transparency and control is the name of the game here and critical to minimizing potential bias in research methodology.

I have begun the pilot testing of the interview questions to be used for the study, which will comprise 4 members of the staff of The Rainbow Project. Two of these staff members (PP.1 & PP.2) will serve as developers for the actual questions. They will undergo a mock interview at the end of which they will describe their reactions to the questions and how they felt. I will then analyze the responses each gave to determine if I'm getting the types of responses desired (not creating leading/biased questions mind you, but to ensure that I'm getting data that is useable). These questions will then be revamped for the other two pilot interviews (PP.3 & PP.4) whose participation will be to develop my own skills and confidence as an interviewer, and be familiar with the paperwork and recording device.

Methodology and Protocols of the interviews:
5 initial test questions were determined prior to review by peers. Three additional questions were added. Q.3 was added upon the suggestion and consultation of Dean Lee (One of The Rainbow Project's counseling staff and member of the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy, and leading expert in LGB&T counseling in Northern Ireland). Q.7 by myself after feeling there needed to be a context for the participant's current life. Q.8 was recommended by Dr. Kathryn MacKay, Mentor, member and Chair of my Capstone Project committee.

The goal of the interviews is to determine 4 variables, addressed by questions 2,4,5,6, and 7. Question 1 is to make the participant feel relaxed and begin building a foundation of trust to facilitate the rest of the interview.

QUESTIONS
Question 1: Introduction, Background info
1.Tell me about yourself? Would you tell me a bit about your childhood?
(AIMS – Introductory, getting comfortable with the participant, building a relationship of trust with the participant)

Question 2: Independent Variable - Sectarian Conflict
2. Would you tell me a bit about “The Troubles” and your personal experiences of it? What was the extent of your involvement? What was the extent of involvement of your family and friends?
(Aims – Involvement & Attitude toward Troubles)

Question 3: Setting up Question 4 - Sexual Identity development
3. What does the concept of "coming out about your sexuality" mean to you? Have you "come out?"

Question 4: Dependent Variable - Sexual Identity development -
4. Can you tell me when you first noticed your attraction to the same gender? What were your experiences of coming out?
(Aims – Development of Sexual Identity – Healthy vs. Problematic) Healthy vs. Problematic

Question 5: 3rd Variable - External Support Factors
5. Would you tell me about how your family and friends regarded being gay before you “came out?” What were their reactions when you were “coming out?” Did you find that their thoughts on being gay changed after you “came out?”
(Aims - External Environment – Support Factors)

Question 6: 4th Variable - Internal Resiliency Factors
6. What do you believe are your personal strengths? What do you believe are your personal weaknesses? How have these influenced your life as a gay man?
(Aims – Internal Resilience – Resiliency Factors)

Question 7: Current context for Dependent Variable - Sexual Identity Formation
7. Tell me a bit about your life today and the important people with which you share it?

Question 8: Wrapping up interview and maintaining the participant's ownership of their story.
8. What have I not asked you that you think important to tell me?

These will hopefully provide enough information for an informative oral history, as well as provide enough insight to actually be able to see if Sectarian conflict does effect Sexual Identity formation.

CONTROL GROUP
A small control group will be included of 8 gay mormons from Utah, 2 corresponding to each of the age brackets used in the actual research. My reasoning for using this demographic as a control group is that like Northern Ireland, Gay Mormons in Utah come from a very conservative and religious society. The only thing that should be different between the groups is that one endured sectarian conflict, and the other did not. This should be enough of a sampling to enable the groups to be compared and see if the coming out stories dramatically differ. I anticipate that resiliency factors might also be different, especially in the NI group, and show up different results according to age brackets (late troubles vs pre-troubles).

ANTICIPATED TIMELINE
- Pilot Interviews - Pilot interviews will commence through Friday Feb 7.
- Validating Interviews - Validating interviews, the 48 to be included in the final data will begin Monday Feb 10 and end on Monday March 31. This may seem like a brief period, however Rainbow Project has been quite proactive in suggesting individuals they feel would be of interest. At latest count there is a pool of 70 individuals to draw from. While some of these are Rainbow Project staff and volunteers, others are community activists who have been on the scene for many years. I will be looking outside of this pool for about 25% of the total to give us a sense of those who are not advocates and don't come from the club/bar/LGBT inner city scene. Some of these have already been located by attending sexual health clinic testing (gay men often come out for their health screenings from the more quieter demographics to these settings where there is less scrutiny and more privacy), and snowball sampling will be used for the remainder of these.

Growing at the Internship

The internship is serving as an eye opening experience, one which seems to be testing my sense of 'tolerance.' Admittedly, this is what tends to happen in community health work. My time at Utah AIDS Foundation was proof of this phenomenom, where I became comfortable discussing the most intimate details of the sex lives of complete strangers (though to contrast this, I still maintain a difficulty discussing these same types of matters of sexual boundaries with my own partners). So it's not like I havent had prior experience or was going in this with my eyes closed or a sense of naivete.

I do have a bit of a judgemental inner core and expectation of sexuality, surrounding expectations. Much of this has come from a narrow view of sexuality formed by Mormon and Puritanical New England ethos. I knew of this growing up, and managed to progress quite far at UAF, embracing the harm reduction model. At UAF we often discussed "kink" sex, but I only got to confront the boundaries of my paradigm in theory only. I never had a client that expressed such preferences. Our questions tended to be generic, focusing on protected vs unprotected (ie types of intercourse) rather than fethish/kink practices. In hindsight, by not inquiring specificly into this, we may have been doing our clients a disservice, many who would respond to direct questions rather than branching out into matters not specifically brought up. This is a demographic we may have missed out on, and an important lesson to learn which will hopefully serve me well in the future, should I continue to work in community health.

Back to the topic at hand. Kink. It seems that Rainbow Project is going to continue my growth in ways I had not imagined. On Wednesday my supervisor put me in charge of revising TRP's Gay Men's Guide to Rough Sex. While I was aware that it would include such kink practices as S&M, fisting, and an assortment of others (both known and unknown to me), I was not prepared for the graphic descriptions I came upon while perusing the last printed edition. In my mind some of the practices are nothing less than sadistic torture. Others are just revolting to me, such as "scat play," while reading I found myself in a battle with my gag reflex, trying hard not to be sick.

While certainly this has been an unexpected test and awareness of where I am on my journey, I see this as something I can grow from and become an even better health worker. Many of the clients that come to our doors are involved in these practices and there is an expectation that they will be respected with no judgement on our parts. Understanding exactly what the health risks (if any) exist in the practices and then offering suggestions to minimizing the risk is what our job is. These are adults capable of coming to their own conclusions and who will at the end of the day make their own decisions. Whether we approve personally or not is irrelevant. What we need to do is ensure these individuals are treated with respect and made comfortable enough to be able to open up to be able to have candid conversations. Morality and social norms are not part of the discussion. Purely health considerations are. And I have much to learn to allow me to be able to reach these individuals who bring up counter transference in me.

Stormont Negotiations: Failure or Indicator of Progress?

For the first week and a half I was here, much of the interest in the local press (seems like the American newspapers didn't publish much, if anything) was on the five party negotiations between the five major parties in the Northern Ireland Assembly (Democratic Unionist Party, Sinn Fein, Ulster Unionist Party, Social Democratic and Labour Party, and Alliance Party). These negotiations were the biggest talks since the 2006 St. Andrews Accords (that brought together the parties to form a lasting Executive and Parliament over consensus on recognizing the authority of the Police Service Northern Ireland and full commitment to non-violent means) and were organized to find solutions to the social issue parts of the 1998 Good Friday Agreement (which agreed to a power sharing executive and parliament between Unionist and Nationalist parties) which were still outstanding. An American diplomatic team consisting of former Ambassador to Northern Ireland Dr. Richard Haas and Senior Fellow at Council on Foreign Relations Dr. Meaghan O'Sullivan, had been invited by First Minister Peter Robinson (DUP) and Deputy First Minister Martin McGuinness (SF) to Belfast this summer has been on the ground for the last 3 months trying to find consensus on three main topics: Flags & Symbols, Parades, and the legacy of the Troubles (ie definition of "victim" vs "terrorist," unsolved murders, cultural narrative, etc).

I had been following the talks for the two and a half months prior to my arrival, and was well aware of the difficulty with which the negotiations had been mired, coming on the heels of a difficult year regarding all of the outstanding issues (see earlier post regarding the controversies over cultural celebration/community commemoration). Yet, I was excited to have been here as the discussions were coming to an end to be seeing how things would be received on the ground, first person observing. With the Unionists in such a siege mentality, dug in to their positions, progress had stalled on the particulars and wording. In a long, drawnout process, the Haas team had held discussions with most of the stakeholders across the provinces and gone back and forth with the political parties in determining their positions and what they would be willing to give and take. 7 drafts of a proposed agreement ended up being on the table, in the end rejected by both of the major parties who claimed the drafts "had major problems that made the agreement unworkable." By contrast, the nationalist parties seemed content with most of what was proposed, leaving it up to what the Unionists were willing to concede on.

Major concerns seemed to revolve around the power limitations invested in the new Parades Commission; wording of proposed "immunity" for a truth and reconciliation program (modeled on South Africa's successful example); and complete disagreement on the flags controversy. Unionists demanded the Union Jack be returned to its place in Belfast City Hall, ruling out both proposals for co-recognition and flying of the Irish Tri-Colour, and a new "Ulster" flag to be a rallying symbol for both Unionists and Nationalists (despite the precedent of Wales and Scotland each having their own flags).

The originally proposed deadline was Christmas, but was forced to be pushed back to New Years. The American team went home for Christmas expressing doubt whether they would return, putting further pressure on the posturing and deadlock which had characterized the talks up to that point, and leaving the decision squarely on the attitudes and answers to questions which had been posed to each of the parties on their departure. They returned a few days after Christmas, jumping back into the fray and looking to New Years as the new deadline. Because the type of last minute expectation
of reaching a deal is not unusual (the 1998 Belfast Agreement for example was given a deadline of the friday before Easter. Most of the work done on hashing acceptable terms was in the last week with the last few days a stressful and exhausting ordeal, word of a deal by the last party reached close to the wire through strong leadership exhibited by UUP's David Trimble), there was an expectation all around that an agreement would be reached. In the end, there was disappointment as it was announced on the 1st that an agreement had not been reached and the American teams were heading home.

The biggest holdout in these talks was the First Minister's own party, the DUP (Democratic Unionist Party), which historically has engaged in obstructionist politics (the Sunningdale strike in 1974, the Anglo-Irish agreement of 1996, the walkout of the peace talks in 1997, and the push for "No" on the 1998 referendum, are several examples prior to their taking power in the country). While the DUP is certainly not the same party as once it was, there is nontheless the appearence that the DUP believes that concessions made to secure an agreement would not be able to be sold to their electorate, especially the Loyalist members who believe their culture is being sold-out to Nationalist interests. An editorial in the Belfast Telegraph just after the talks lambasted First Minister Robinson as less of a leader and more of an administrator. Certainly Robinson faced extreme dissension within party ranks, concerned about another fracture. While Nationalists comprise only two parties, the Unionists are already divided among 4 parties with none presenting a roadmap to a shared future that would benefit both of the divided communities in NI. Robinson does not possess the charisma and ability to gather followers as his predecessor Ian Paisley did. Sadly all around leadership with a unique vision and the ability to convince their party membership and electorate is a feature lacking in all of the major parties. So the status quo remains, as evidenced by the many problems which has plagued power sharing characterized by
distrust is combined with a jockeying for a lions share of the scarce resources.

As disappointing and potentially indicative of a failure as the negotiations are in some circles being portrayed,I prefer to see the talks as progress of a small scale. From just looking at the talks themselves it is perfectly reasonable to see them as gloom and doom. Looking at them from the perspective of the entire past 5 decades of history however shows the talks to have been a mere setback, and amazing progress from where Northern Ireland once was. Sure the machinery is riddled with inefficiency and sectarian polarization, the fact is that the bureacratic machinery still exists and is providing the day to day running of the infrastructure of Northern Ireland. Socially there is still a very divided society; yet that is to be expected in a place where divisions were long embedded and distrust of the other side ran rampant. It is slowly getting better. That these politicians are sitting together in the same room and discussing their differences is a testament to change. More discussions like these are needed and an evolution over more time to tackle these remaining thorny issues.

Official Week One

This is my "official Week one." Though I've been here for a fortnight (2 weeks for those back home), much of the time has been spent in learning my way around, locating a flatshare situation, getting a pay-as-you-go phone, and starting my internship. All the typical "I just moved to a new country" sort of things. This was the week I actually started work on the internship, so that is why I'm calling it my first official week one and what I'm starting the clock from. This is my blog, my Julian calendar, I can choose whatever frame of reference I want! In the words of Mel Brooks, "It's good to be the King!"

Things are well here in Belfast. I'm busily engaged in the observation part of my research and am finding things to be more nuanced than ever I had thought. It's strange...the Northern Irish are known for being guarded, but being an American seems to give an immunity making them want to open up and (as one lass I was talking with said) "convert me to their way of thinking." Maybe the American accent is as entrancing for them as the Irish/British are for us. Or maybe being an outsider from a perceived neutral country in their conflict, they feel safer. I can't yet say. What I can say though is that being here on the ground is being of infinitely more use than any amount of literature review and reading of Northern Irish History/culture...there are nuances and significant elements which would be virtually lost by an individual who was not immersed in the day to day.

One nuance is the entrenched suspicion with which the Protestant and Catholics see one another. Much of this has been a divided society in which there was little interaction beyond some financial/business transactions. Religion, social, education, all has been separated. Conflict experts have consistently pointed out the segragated aspects as having continued the tensions for so long. While employment and to an extent social interaction isnt as segregated as once it was, integration in relation to education has been heavily resisted. State sponsored schools continue to remain highly Protestant and Parochial schools continue to remain mostly Catholic, with some fundamentalist sects having parochial schools of their own (such as the Free Presbyterians), though some innovative experimental schools have been promoted over the last 20 years with some success. So many perceptions around identity, it's shocking at times to even contemplate the level of alienation and internalized fear that exists in this society. One gentleman I have gotten friendly with who was raised Catholic shared with me that he has a distrust of the Protestants he works with.

Another nuance which historians like Tim Pat Coogan have broached (Coogan being a former reporter from the Republic [or "down south" as they call it] would have a deeper understanding of it) is the ambivalent nature of North-South relations within the Nationalist communities. Despite the nationalists in the north wanting to be unified with the south, there are tensions where the south really doesnt even look on the north as brothers, but with an element of 'other.' 80 years have passed since partition, but those scant years have been enough to really damage relations between the two nationalist sects. What they say isn't always what they mean...Northern Nationalists often look on their southern counterparts as not being true nationalists, and failing to come to their aid on many occasions. The economics of reunification alone would be disastrous to unionist and nationalist alike, just merely talking about healthcare alone (the North uses the British single payer system, while the Republic of ireland has a state subsidized insurance system) where Northern Irish would lose pretty much free access to GPs, surgeons, and pharmaceuticals. Right now the Republic is struggling, and there are some southern Irish who have started emigrating north looking for jobs. What a reversal this was from 20 yearsago when "the celtic tiger" was in full swing! Most Northern Irish I have talked to (from both communities) discount the actual cultural differences between the North and South, but being from outside I see them even more pronounced.

To me it's hardly a surprise...Ulster has always been unique and individualized, with a history quite different than that of the south. From 700 BC on Armagh was the seat of ecclesiastical power on the island of Ireland, as well as politically under the O'Neill clan kings. While the North did face extensive invasions by Norse and Danish invaders, the North resisted fiercely leaving them less subjugated than in the south. This unique identity expanded even further first by the injection of the Presbyterian planters and then by rapid industrialization in the 19th and 20th centuries. Even the regional accents are quite thicker than in the rest of the island (with the exception of the West Cork, and noone seems to know where the hell THAT came from). For an example of the regional nature of accents in this small area, see the video below.

So much to learn and so little time in which to do it! Every thing I see is still novel and exciting. I'm not sure if the chocolate actually IS better here or whether it just is the psychological suggestion of it being Irish chocolate, but everything has been having that effect. I really like it here, and absolutely love Northern Ireland!